Publications

March 22, 2013

A full list of my publications is available at kaufmanwrites.com.

Spaceship, Spaceship, Rick Rude: HappySad Link Round Up, March 18, 2014

March 18, 2014

When I woke up today I trolled the social networks, as I am wont to do, and wanted to share a few things with, like, whoever mistakenly arrives at this blog looking for recipes that use Eurasian Black Salt. Read the rest of this entry »

The Complete Results of My Zimbio Quizzes

February 28, 2014

I have decided to post the results to all of my Zimbio quizzes in one spot, rather than flood social media with separate posts for each delightful quiz. So here, without further ado, is the stuff. Read the rest of this entry »

New Fiction in GS 5.1 Out Now!

February 15, 2014

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I was very excited to find the new Gigantic Sequins in my mailbox today. Octopi!
It’s filled with wonderful things, the least of which is flash fiction from yours truly. You should totally support this wonderful journal, and fill your brain with wonderful: buy a copy here.
Also, start loving giganticsequins.com.

Features = Normalization Re: Masturbation

February 14, 2014

So, someone shared this article via social media (I swear, I wasn’t googling, “How to turn a thousand dollars of VR immersion equipment into a masturbation aid”).  I’ll post a link, but the upshot is that a Japanese company that makes fake vaginas (faux-vaginas? Fauxginas! Nailed it!) that look like Neuro bottles has jury-rigged a set of Oculus Rift goggles, a Novint Falcon 3D haptic controller thing, and said fauxgina, into a gizmo to make you believe you’re being jerked off by a cartoon girl.

Here’s the link to the article.

There’s nothing surprising to me about people figuring out how to use technology for sexual gratification. The technology exists, so we will figure out how to use it most effectively for porn. Least. Shocking. Thing. Ever.

No, I’m compelled to write a blog post because of this line: “‘I think that there’s a taboo with male masturbation,’ Sato [the CEO of the fauxgina company] said. ‘We want to normalize it, that’s why we design features for it.’”

That. That right there. To normalize a taboo, all you have to do is add features. Because if it’s a grand of technology instead of sixty cents of rubber tubing, it ain’t weird. Read the rest of this entry »

Writers, Don’t Mind Your Mind

January 11, 2014

I work in a bookstore, so I come across a whole lot of books. Some of them I’m interested in, some of them I judge immediately, harshly, and generally, correctly, by their covers, and some of them I peruse innocently because maybe, just maybe, they’ll having something to say.

So it is that found myself opening Making Your Creative Mark. Let me share with you what I read:

Your first task as a creative person is to “mind your mind” and think thoughts that serve you. Doesn’t it make sense to speak to yourself in ways that help you create more deeply and more regularly, that allow you to detach more effectively from the everyday chaos of life…

At this point a deep rage overcame me, and I had to stop.  Read the rest of this entry »

A Working Theory of How My Shower Faucet Functions

January 2, 2014

I suspect the the faucet in my shower is not connected to a simple arrangement of valves in the wall. No, I believe that the handle is connected, via a series of strings and pulleys, to a pair of bells on the roof of my apartment building. On the roof, around the bells, lies a village full of tiny elves, amidst a forest of tiny trees, at the foot of a tiny mountain. In the middle of the village is a large cauldron that holds the water that feeds into my shower. Read the rest of this entry »

The Actual Death of the American Author: On the Granularity of Genre

August 22, 2013

A few months back I responded to Scott Turow’s arguments about how copyright infringement and digital distribution would be the death of the American author. But it got me thinking about what other pernicious threats the American author might be facing.

First, to be clear, I think an integral part of Turow’s “American Author” is that the author subsists on income from his or her writing. Hence Turow’s concern over his perceived elision of the value of copyright. An author willing to work two other jobs while writing just for the chance to tell his or her stories doesn’t really count, because this author shouldn’t give one damn about copyright — payment is a bonus, being read is the reward. So let’s take this as rote: when we talk about the death of the American author, we’re talking about the death of the American author who earns his or her income through writing.

To my mind the biggest threat to this incarnation of the American author (after our our failing education system) is the fact that marketing departments have the final say in whether or not a title will be pushed by the publisher. Most publishers will only seriously market one or two of their titles every year, the rest are orphaned almost immediately by marketing departments. If an author wants attention for his or her book, the author must take up that responsibility. This is especially true if the marketing department doesn’t have a very clear idea of how, where, and to who to market the book. Read the rest of this entry »

The Morality of Extinction

July 22, 2013

Phys.org just posted a brief article about how the Hangenberg extinction event led to the rise of ray-finned fish in the ocean. You and I care because current evolutionary thinking says our hands are just seriously mutated ray-fins. Without the major extinction event at the end of the Devonian, we might all be walking lungfish. Of course, the Hangenberg event was an extinction caused by the sudden rise in plant life on land, so if it had never happened there probably wouldn’t be much incentive for life to have started wandering around out of the ocean in the first place.

But this got me to thinking about the morality of extinction, because – make no bones about it – human life is an extinction event. Now we just have to decide how we’re going to handle it.  Read the rest of this entry »

Is ‘Flash-Memoir’ a Thing? Either Way, Let Me Bleed for You In This New Flash-Memoir Piece at Zouch Magazine

June 19, 2013

Zouch Magazine has just published a very brief memoir piece I wrote shortly after, first, discovering my father had Stage 4 colon cancer, and second, moving to Utah to attend the MFA program at the U. It is, in fact, the first piece I wrote for my MFA, the first piece of nonfiction I’d ever written, and the first piece I wrote about my father’s eventual death. So, yeah…

Go find out about snow, cancer, a cactus flower, and the kind of pathos that comes from typing by shorting out the key switches with salty, salty tears. Read “Stage IV: The Metastasis of Snow, Cactus Flower” in Zouch Magazine.

New Short Story in PANK

May 22, 2013

I am really quite very alot tons plenty yessiree excited to have a story, “Selling the Fall,” in PANK. You should go read it. Or you can listen to me read it to you. For reals.

And you should read PANK, like, all the time.


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