Zombies Should Be Dead

Really,  Rockstar?  Zombies?  You took Red Dead Redemption, the highest rated, multi-platform release of the year and decided to add zombies?  Gee, that’s really fucking original.  And unique.  Very unique.  Really, extremely, very unique.

You ask me, zombie’s are the lazy answer, especially in video games.  They’re too easy an enemy.  They have no mind, no allegiance, no character.  Their only motivation is to kill everything they meet, so you have to kill them first.

Remember the first Uncharted? That mostly entertaining puzzle/platformer/shooter that actually had a story and characters – even if they were pretty flat?  Hell, at least it was making an effort to move games along – even if just towards cheap cinema.

Remember when zombies showed up about 90% of the way through the game and RUINED EVERYTHING?  No more character, no more real puzzles, no more use for cover-mechanics.  No more anything but zombies.  God, that was the worst twist ever.  Even worse than when you found out Tyler Durden was actually real and was Ed Norton’s grandfather thanks to a time travel accident, and really was living in Norton’s head thanks to a demonic idol, in Fight Club 2: You Actually Are a Unique Snowflake.

Zombies require no craft to make into an enemy.  They require no craft at all, anymore.

Did you ever see Night of the Living Dead?  There was a social message there, about communism and race and some other shit.  There was a purpose, a meaning.  Metaphor and theme.  These days it feels like Hollywood considers George Romero’s most important contributions to be inventing new makeup techniques for gory death, and I think that’s a crying shame.

Even the very creative Mr. Garland could only make them move faster.

Current zombies are devoid of all metaphorical and thematic value.  They’ve become the simplest enemy, the one that requires the least work for the most motivation.  You either fight them or you die, and no explanation is needed beyond somebody shouting, “Oh, shit!  Zombies!  Shoot them in the fucking head before they fucking bite us!”

And that’s just plain lazy.  Fuck zombies.  Fuck them in their mushy, dead eye-sockets.  They deserve to die.  More than that, they deserve for no one to care about them at all until somebody figures out a new way to use them.


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2 Responses to “Zombies Should Be Dead”

  1. Dan Says:

    Though I, for one, am thoroughly enjoying the Walking Dead books, and am eagerly awaiting the TV adaptation.

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