Gizmo Angst – In Search of the Least Evil Cellphone (UPDATED)

I love gadgets with the kind of sweaty passion only men who own cell phone holsters or carbon fiber wallets can understand.

I don’t own either of those things, because I’m not insane.  But my point stands.

But when it comes to plonking down my precious cash, I do have some standards.

I didn’t buy an iPhone because I didn’t like the way Apple was suing everyone who even thought the word “multi-touch,” and because I wanted a phone that could make phone calls.

So I bought a G1.  Which was fantastic, but is now as obsolete as book-learning.

I want a new phone, and the G2 is about to hit, but I’m not sure I should still be supporting Google.  When the G1 came out everything with Google was, “Open Source,” and, “Freedom,” and, “Love.”  Android phones were rumored to be powered by the smiles of Unicorns.

Recently though, Google have been heard making some slightly evil noises.  A white cat has been spotted in their offices.  During a yoga class their shirt slipped and we caught a glimpse of a “999” birthmark.  They’ve gone, if you will, a little Saruman of Many Colors.

So if I don’t want a phone that’s a fashion accessory (I mean, why is the color white so exciting?), and I don’t want to buy into the evil future of the internet, I’m left with…

the Windows Phone.

Is Microsoft really my least evil option?

Leave aside the question of whether or not WinMo7 will actually work or not.  Let’s assume it does.  Let’s assume it will do all the things I ask of my smartphone.  If I want to use my dollars to support a company that isn’t likely to build a Death Star, is Microsoft really my best choice?

I remember the nineties.  In the nineties Microsoft made Windows by skinning puppies and pushing old ladies down stairs.  But now?  Have we slipped into one of those goatee dimensions where all that was holy is now profane and all that was evil is now…the Windows phone?

Or do companies simply change over time?

I mean, Ferdinand Porsche was hand-picked by Hitler to run Volkswagen, and nobody’s accused a 911 or a GTI of genocidal tendencies in my lifetime.  Cayennes and Touaregs, maybe…but so far no witnesses have been willing to come forward.

So where do my dollars go?  A new G2, or…to Microsoft?

[UPDATE: Goddammit. This doesn’t help.]

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2 Responses to “Gizmo Angst – In Search of the Least Evil Cellphone (UPDATED)”

  1. Mike Henriksen Says:

    iPhones might be evil, but they might also be worth it. My buyer’s remorse last for all of an hour and now I’m pretty sure it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Ever. But keep us updated on the WinMo7. It intrigues me.

    • Will Kaufman Says:

      Like I’d buy a Windows Phone. Hah! No, I’ll probably stick with Google. I figure if I have to buy evil, I’ll buy most evil. Apple may have filed countless questionable lawsuits just to prolong the exclusivity of their multitouch product in the market. And they may have released a product to the public without proper QA.

      But Google…Google’s in a position to destroy the internet as we know it. Now that’s evil.

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