What This Country’s Coming To…

“The House Judiciary Committee approved legislation on Thursday that would require Internet service providers (ISPs) to collect and retain records about Internet users’ activity,”  (thanks, rawstory.com).

The lovely ass holes (go to their websites and send them anonymous hate-mail while you still can) responsible for this bill are calling it, “The Protecting Children from Internet Pornographers Act of 2011.”  They claim that they just want to keep our children safe from those nasty internet kiddie-pornographers.  Which is a fat, steaming load of bullshit.

The assholes:


First off, the people you need to keep your children safe from are not faraway strangers on the internet who want to wank to pictures of little boys.  You need to keep your children safe from your creepy cousin with the creepy, forced smile who your kids call “Uncle” and who used to try and get you to play doctor (or, “touch the electoral body”) when the two of you were kids.  He’s the one taking the pictures and hurting your kids.

Second, this bill is a little like saying, “In order to prevent suicide bombers, we’re going to implant a GPS chip in anyone who enters a store that sells vests.”  Only a tiny fraction of the people who enter said store will be shopping for vests, everybody else will be perfectly innocent and totally violated.  On top of that, the one person who does buy a vest to affix with explosives will still be able to hurt people, the GPS chip will just make it easier to bust them after they have exploded.  Which is useless.

Okay, that metaphor got a little tortured there, but you get what I mean.  The child has already been hurt before the pictures/video hit the internet.

Third, the assholes don’t understand how the internet works.  They have not heard of proxy servers.  Nor of public libraries with internet access.  Nor of internet cafes.  Of course, those last two will only work until we all get internet IDs…though, considering how easy it is to fake a real ID…

All the assholes are doing is chipping away at what remains of our privacy and bastardizing enumeration.  The name of this bill, as I’ve partially illustrated above, is complete crap.  It does not protect children, not at all.  Yet who would be willing to vote against this bill?  Can you imagine?

“My opponent voted AGAINST The Protecting Children from Internet Pornographers Act of 2011!  He obviously wants to hand your children over to nasty perverts to be fondled!”

You need to let your representative know that you are not fooled by the name, and that you do not want your ISP keeping a record of the things you do on the internet.  Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because you shouldn’t want this any more than you should want a floating security camera following you around all day and watching you crap.

Go here, to the EFF, and fill out the form.  Send the pre-written letter.  Do it.  If you don’t, I don’t want you to come whining to me when the floating security cameras start making fun of your grotesque genitals.


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