The Complete Results of My Zimbio Quizzes

I have decided to post the results to all of my Zimbio quizzes in one spot, rather than flood social media with separate posts for each delightful quiz. So here, without further ado, is the stuff.

Which Sherlock Holmes Character Are You?

That guy who looked like Sherlock who Moriarty had kidnap that girl! No one even realizes you exist, but one day your corpse will prove useful.

Which Animal Are You?

You are a giant panda! You couldn’t get laid in the wild if  the continued existence of your species depended on it. Lucky for you a group of scientists have taken an interest in your sex life.

Which My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic Character Are You?

You’re the one who does the thing that’s totes adorb! You know, the one you always say you’re just like. You should feel really validated.

Which Tolkein Character Are You?

You are Vidugavia! You did something at some point that no one but a handful of OCD nerds even knows about. Maybe if you tried harder you wouldn’t be wasting away in the appendices.

Which Famous Author Are You?

You are Jack Kerouac! Congratulations, nineteen-year-olds at liberal arts colleges think you have meaningful things to say. You know what’s less interesting than sitting in a car for a long time? Listening to someone else describe sitting in a car for a long time. Unless that someone else is Hunter S. Thompson. Too bad you didn’t get Hunter S. Thompson.

Which Disney Villain are you?

You are The Incompetent Cryogenic Technician! If only you hadn’t been drunk the day Disney finally kicked it, the Great Man’s head might be safe and sound in a jar full of liquid nitrogen. Instead it’s decomposing in a coffin, but the broken tip of the plastic knife you grabbed when you realized you forgot your bonesaw will remain for thousands of years, immortalizing your fuck up. Maybe now you understand why Walt didn’t like Jews.

And finally, Which Crippling, Incurable Disease Are You?

All of them. God, you’re just…you’re everything that’s wrong with humanity. I wish I could vaccinate myself against you, Will Kaufman. I would rather have polio, lupus, and ebola than spend another second thinking about your existence. Are you happy now, Will? Are you satisfied knowing you’ve made me pine for an agonizing, pus-filled death? You probably are, you despicable fuck.

That last one was weird, since Zimbio never actually asked for my name. Oh, well! Some mysteries better left and all that. I had a lot of fun taking these quizzes, and I hope you had fun reading my results! Maybe you even learned something new about me. Until next time, reader!

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